8 Things No One Told Me About Sex

Not everything about sex is wildly apparent, and no one wants to talk about it.

1 Not all positions will work for all couples. Everyone’s physiology is different. Vulvas, penises, vaginas, and testicles come in all shapes, sizes, and layouts. As a result, what works with one partner may not work with another. Some vagina-havers have a short vaginal canal, meaning the cervix is closer to the outside. Deep penetration by toys, well-endowed penis-owners, or long fingers may poke that, and it might not feel great. Girthy objects may not fit “tighter” openings, and no amount of prep or stretching can make it feel right for some folks.

For instance, the position of my vaginal opening and the layout of my husband’s junk makes doggy-style stupid uncomfortable for us. Because I am not a comic book character, my spine doesn’t bend that way. This discovery made both my husband and I rather sad as both of us had enjoyed the position with previous partners. It just doesn’t work for us as a couple.

2 Communication is a before, during, & after activity. Hopefully, it’s no secret that communication is the secret to good sex. But 360 communication before, during, and after can lead to great sex. Tell your partner what you prefer and what is off the table before you get started. Let them know what’s working and what adjustments could be made during. And, after the requisite cuddles or reset period, discuss what worked for you if this is going to be a recurring activity for you.

And here’s the kicker, listen to what your partner(s) tell you. Don’t get offended if they shift your hand or ask you to move a bit to the left. It’s not a critique; it’s an aid. It’s going to make it better for both of you to hear what you’re being told.

3 There’s a lot of weird noises. And not just the moaning, although those can get weird too. I once slept with a guy who meowed like a cat while cumming. It was unexpected and, in the moment, a total mood killer. But I digress.

Hollywood failed to prepare me for the real-life sex soundtrack. Movie sex is rather weird noise-free. It’s all graceful and smooth. No movie star has ever let one rip mid-coitus to my knowledge (Braces for the onslaught of DMs proving me wrong). I was…

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