The Suicide Note of James Parker

-This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.-

Dear Irene Heather,
To whom I pour all of my heart and soul
Into an ink that was written upon this thin paper
To whom the stars shine at the blackest night
As your love shine upon the dark hole in my heart

By the time you read this, I would already be dead
Please my darling, save all of those tear that you will shed
For a wise man once said
Do not pity the dead

By the time you read this, I would be long gone
I left my heart that was once alone
Then you came, filling it with passion and joy
Then you left, and now I’m lost

This letter was meant for you, my loved one
The woman who saw me for who I am, not what I am
The woman who brings happiness and joy
Into the soul of an old wounded dog

I remember the time when we first met
It was at autumn, where the leaves are red
I catch your eye staring at mine
I could remember how beautiful it was

We grew closer as the days come by

24th of December, 1985
It was Christmas night, upon the dark sky
We went to this one place, your favorite one
This one large lake where it’s frozen
Then we lie down for a moment

There was no one but us
Only us and the cold winds of december
Suddenly, the sky was full of stars
I remember you whispered softly

‘I am happy, James
If i to die right now
I couldn’t choose any better moment
But this and this alone’

I could remember everything
All of the stars we count
All of the songs we sung
Our glorious days, when we were kids, when we were young
Things seems so perfect and never ending

But you know well I had my own demons
You saw me once, wounded and bleeding
I took the path I shouldn’t
It brings me down to a place I don’t wanna…
Fuck… I’m the most screwed up guy in the world ain’t I ?

And I know I promised to change myself
A word that was spoken a thousand time
It breaks even before It was made.
And I know I let you down more than a thousand time
‘I cant love a person who is so hell bent to die’
That word sticks into my troubled mind

You left when I need you the most
You left when I was at the worst
I fell and I fell and I fell
Please come back, Please come back
Come back and sing to me
Without you the sun wouldn’t rise
Without you the stars wouldn’t shine
Without you…
Without you I’m fucking lost

I saw you today at the reception
I knew You were gonna meet your connection
I knew I’m fucking done
I stood alone, with a glass of wine
My soul gently screaming,
My guitar gently weeping

The last thing I wanna remember is your kiss
Somehow it taste bittersweet
A dying passion, love, and all in between
All of the wars I fought for you seem to be in vain
All of my dreams and hopes, vanished in the rain

Shadows are falling
I’m running out breath, Irene
Here I wrote my last and final will
Keep me in your heart

I’m leaving you
It doesn’t mean I love you any less
Maybe someday you’ll think of me and smile
And your heart shall whisper
‘This is the man that I once loved
A man that will always adore my perfect and imperfection
A man too stubborn to die, too weak to live
A heart of stone that capable of passion, emotion, and love”

Goodbye
Live on Irene, live on
And I will always be at your side
Always.

James Parker

November 12th 1989

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